Dishwasher Pastries, Parenting, and Management.

There was an entire pastry at the bottom of the dishwasher. Not even just the scraps, an entire pastry.

This wasn't an accident, it was a malicious attack.

Once I had discovered the culprit (not a difficult task) and they had admitted to the crime (a little more difficult), we began the conversation about why the plates need to be cleared and rinsed (sue me) before they go into the dishwasher. We also talked about what gets communicated when they just leave something and expect that I'm going to clean up after them.

It was a conversation we'd had before. Many times, in fact. I'm reasonably sure it's one we will inevitably have again in the not-too-distant future.

There is so much about parenting that feels this way: relentlessly, exasperatingly, infuriatingly repetitive. Whilst I feel compelled to add the disclaimer that of course I love my kids the simple truth is that an enormous amount of actual parenting I find monotonous and uninteresting.

It's also just hard.

I mean, does anyone really enjoy waking up early to pack lunches? If that's you then I applaud you, but I can tell you it is most certainly not me. Like many, I'm drawn to the more aspirational or inspiration parts of life and work.

Managing a team often feels the same.

There are exciting bits—like dreaming up a new project, seeing someone flourishing in their work, or finding ways to celebrate after a big win—but a large cross-section of the role is making sure you carve out the time to sit with your people and have the conversations that will help them to grow and develop. Preventing them, as best as you can, from leaving the proverbial pastry on the bottom of the dishwasher.

It's communication. Feedback. Conflict resolution. And to do it well requires a ferocious commitment to consistency.

I love helping people to grow and develop, but I find management a real challenge. I have a reasonably strong internal motivation and so I find it confusing or draining to have to motivate others to do something.

It's taken me a while to discover this about myself. Whilst it might seem like a funny parallel, the similarities between parenting and managing are quite stark.

They both require absolute consistency, a delicate combination of boundaries and incentive, a commitment to service, and they fail miserably when the focus is on "us" rather than "them."

So a few thoughts from me to you, as we all try to get better at the things we aren't always good at. Apply these to either parenting, or management. Or just ignore them if you're better at this than I am.

1. Just Be There.

Presence is everything. It doesn't always need to be about accomplishing tasks, or moving the needle forward. Just being available when people need you is your most powerful tool. Showing up at the important (and unimportant) moments, and giving that irreplaceable sense that you are a person that can be depended on.

2. You're a Shepherd, not an Engineer

The people we're responsible for—children or otherwise—aren't there for us to mould or engineer. They are their own people, unique and powerful, and our job is simply to cultivate the environments in which they will thrive. The best possible result is that they feel able and empowered to be all that they were born to be, because of your input into their lives.

3. Lean In To Your Greens

All activities in life have green bits (yay), orange bits (meh), and red bits (yuck). We're all good at different things. Identify your strengths quickly, but more importantly, identify what brings you life and joy. Do this relentless. If you love cooking—cook. If you love spreadsheets, then damnit you fill those cells with data. Prioritise and lean into the green parts of life as this is what will sustain you through the rest.

4. Incentivise (and Space Out) Your Reds

A little treat? Why not. This isn't rocket science but don't feel like you need to white-knuckle your way through everything. You don't get extra points for playing the game on hard mode, you just die quicker. If you have a list of things that simple must get done, make sure you set yourselves goals and incentives along the way. And if possible, space them out. Not everything needs to be done right now—you have time, use it.

Life is learning, so why not share some of your helpful hints? Let me know how you do your best to show up well to life and work.